Blighted Ovum...
A blighted ovum was described to me that it is comparable to your body being pregnant without a child. Why would such an obscure miscarriage type be so personal to me?
At the end of July, we found out exciting, but fearful news. We were expecting again but in light of our most recent blessing I was scared. Emotionally, I was not ready to go through another emotional roller coaster of possibly losing another baby. So we arranged for an ultrasound at 8 weeks and shared our news with as few people as possible since our previous loss felt so public. We went in for the ultrasound with nervousness, fear, excitement, and trembling. As the ultrasound technician searched Andrew and I realized what was missing when she left the room...the heartbeat. Instead of losing a child though we found out we were a rare case of a blighted ovum. Many times, the woman never even realizes she is pregnant, but I knew that I was. I felt it, every morning with nausea. Every afternoon was filled with exhaustion and napping for 2-3 hours. There was no denying what my body was telling me, but now due to modern technology things were seen through a different lens. As I was presented two options again (a natural miscarriage or a D&C) I chose the natural miscarriage as I had twice previously. This began the waiting game. Little did I know that July would turn into August and August into September and at 14 weeks I finally passed all of the physical remnants of my body's pregnancy. 14 weeks I carried around the growing of a child without actually carrying a child. My pants were beginning not to fit, I looked pregnant in certain outfits. I grew worried about what would happen if I waited much longer and what if Andrew was in DC. I even went through periods of possible hope as if God has changed my circumstances. But the night before I was to dance and again offer my body as a living sacrifice for worship; everything was released. As always God's timing is perfect. That night Andrew and I were discussing the idea of seeing angels as I had just finished the book "To Heaven and Back." (A wonderful book with many powerful truths about God and His relationship with His people). Right as we talked, Andrew walked into our bathroom and saw an angel who filled the entire room. About 5 minutes later, my body began having contractions. Looking back I am able to see the perfection in God's timing. The kids were asleep, Andrew was right there by my side, and the peace of God was surrounding me throughout the entire experience. It was the longest night of my life-more time than all of my labors, but I was set free. I was no longer pregnant or carrying any physical, emotional, or spiritual wounds. The Lord had set me free and as a friend who was to pick me up less than 2 hours after the final passing saw me she said "I looked like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders." Needless to say I didn't dance and gratefully we were able to move it to 6 weeks later (a wonderful recovery time). And as I prepare my body for dancing again and recall the beginning of this journey I am always so grateful that God's timing and love for me is perfect even when my body is not.